Ever feel like no matter how hard you try it just doesn't work? Or like the harder you try the more life throws at you? This is where I'm at right now. Not necessarily today or this week, but right now this moment. I'm feeling sorry for myself and completely defeated. BUT... here I sit typing this "confession" to whoever may read this hoping that by letting goof the words and the feelings it will free me to get back to my motivation and my goals.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I've been trying to sort out some medical stuff, which resulted in a prescription for a very common drug that I've taken other forms of before with no issue. Well, this time the dose was considerably higher and attacked me with side effects. The worst of it all was dizziness that had me unable to stand up straight on Monday, and having to call out of work (which I can't even remember the last time that happened!). This was after a kitchen accident on Sunday where I lost a fight to a mandolin, which cost me the tip of my finger. Already feeling crappy... So, these 2 things had me unable to start the week with crossfit, which also makes me unhappy. With no idea about the side effects and trying to figure out what the hell else is wrong with me, Dawn started doing some research and determined it's the meds. I stopped taking them, and am currently waiting out the time release factor.
Meanwhile, there was Easter on Sunday, my birthday on Wednesday, and who knows how many other excuses I could come up with for why I've already failed at my 30 day commitments. But ultimately... no matter what I say the reasons were, it happened, and I moved on.
Batch cooking this week was minimal, but we made a batch of chili that was really veg heavy, cooked up some sausages with peppers and onions, made some oatmeal, and left room for things like the fantastic taco dinner one of my students made for my birthday dinner. We have made plans for the weekend, that of course have food and drink involved, and I'm not sure how I feel about it... guilt? disappointment? apathy? disregard? I dunno.
Meal plans intrigue me and dietary information or claims that all these different chefs or trainers or celebrities or doctors make grab my interest, and while I'm not opposed to trying any of them or all of them (partly for the experience and partly to find what works best for me), I feel like I'm always explaining my food stuff to someone or talking about what new plan I'm on this week. It gets frustrating and it's hard to try to maintain some sort of social calendar without food or drink being involved.
So... that's where I'm at with things right now, and it's not a great place to be, so I'm hoping this little venting helps with that. I am always open to thoughts or opinions or words of encouragement, so feel free....
-Jamie
I understand how you feel Jamie. I have felt that way and unfortunately let those feelings defeat me, which resulted in me gaining back 50 of the 70 pounds I had lost. Don't let that happen to you! You are doing amazing!! There will always be situations that get in your way, just push right through them!!! You can do this!!! You rock! Love ya!
ReplyDelete-Jenn
Thanks Jenn, so sorry to hear that you feel defeated, but I saw you do it once and know that you can certainly do it again! I am grateful for your support and encouragement, love and miss u!
Delete-Jamie